Finding your other half is always an extraordinary feeling. Suddenly you speak as “we” and make plans for the weekend together. You care for someone who shares the highest of the feelings exclusively with you. In short, you are exhilarated. It comes without saying that every couple whether international or of the same nationality has to mutually adjust to habits and behaviours of one another. However, in the case of cross-cultural couples you also have to get used to their culture.
I would like to discuss common struggles of international couples and find out how to actually function as a cross-cultural “team”.
1. Language barrier
It is not easy if you’re communicating in a language one of you is not a native speaker of or when both of you facilitate a foreign language as your means of communication.
You can both be advanced but the language style and vocabulary you have learnt at schools or from media such as TV and magazines can differ and so the meaning of the words you convey also. That is a constant struggle for international couples, however, not infeasible to overcome. Just discuss what do you mean in debt and if you don’t understand, clarify. Don’t be put off by constantly checking the meaning of the words and translating them. Thanks to that you incorporate diverse vocabulary and show your partner willingness to learn. Regarding social meetings it is of good practice to ask others to speak in the language your partner understands, speak slowly or to translate every single situation and chat that occurs. This will give them a comfort of understanding the background of reactions of others.
On the other hand if either of you learns the other half’s mother tongue it can be both funny and extremely adorable to listen to them try and mix words and expressions. Really makes you bond! You both have fun and learn. After all you create your own “love language” only you and your partner can understand.
2. Assumptions and Stereotypes
Clear communication is the key of every relationship’s wellbeing. While some things seem crystal clear to you, it might be a totally different case for your partner. As a couple you grow a level of trust and intimacy, that is why asking and clearing out stuff appears natural and does not make any of you annoyed or uneasy. Just take your time, once experienced event is a lesson for analogical situations in the future. Do not get offended if your partner has some remarks but take them into account.
3. Above all patience
That applies for both parties, as much you as your partner. Patience is a virtue, especially when as a couple you face some multicultural difficulties. It can regard trivial every day things such as cooking, hygiene, rituals or more serious aspects. Give your partner space and time to adapt to the changes. Do not force or pressure your partner to follow certain habits if they do not find them acceptable. It will all come gradually.
4. Respecting diversity (greater understanding)
The differences can regard clothing, gender roles, eating and drinking habits as well as ways of managing emotions or love and commitment perception. While in an international relationship you can develop certain assumptions and try to stand up for your culture. After all it is a big part of our identity and heritage. Take effort to understand the culture and history of your significant other. Get to know his/her personality, mindset, and lifestyle. Work your togetherness by telling each other what bothers you or what are the little annoyances. It is also a good exercise to take your partner’s perspective. Ask him/her the reason for their ideas. Consider the non-verbal signs – body position, gestures, facial expressions. If you cannot come to terms with some rituals, learn to respect and accept it, ultimately you are not obliged to like all that comes from your partner’s culture.
5. Finding a common ground in your values and attitudes
This might come across as difficult at first, but all cultures share some mutual beliefs. It can be reached by learning thoroughly about the partner’s culture and trying to understand it in depth.
6. The world-wide socio-political situation matters
Stepping into a relationship with foreigners brings a certain interest not only into his/her culture, but also the happenings of the country of their origin. You become more aware of the economic and welfare situation in your partner’s country and you start to feel committed to it. After all, that’s where they have their loved ones and you both care to have your families safe and sound.
7. Arranging your future together
It can be seen as a challenge for cross-cultural couples to agree on specific topics related to life together. There might be differences of lifestyle of people your age in both countries, but also different customs or expectations regarding family, career, leisure etc. Discuss how you want to live your life together. If your relationship is long-term, such serious talks are inevitable and very necessary. Better to clarify and agree to certain ways earlier than to leave it for later.
8. Embrace the differences and be positive
Try to view differences as a possibility to learn and enrich your personal and cultural understanding of other people. Perceive them as something that challenges your relationship.
We are all people, no matter what culture we inherit, you can work out your way into successful communication. Communication doesn’t come easy, it is hard work. The more different your cultures are, the more effort you need to put into communication. There has not been discovered a single method to make cross-cultural relationships work. Each and every relationship is very different and what might work for one will not work for another. Whenever obstacles come your way it is vital for you to reflect what brought you two together.
